But I had the last laugh. What do Marines have in common with other members of the Armed Forces? . I admit itI have a tendency to exaggerate, and I was afraid when I joined the Navy that my creativity might get me in trouble. He says, Anyway, enough about me. Forty years later, Dad met the man responsible, and he told him how impressed he had been. As I stepped forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. As for the rest of you, get down and give me 40 for lying!. 4th of July 2022: Celebrating the Birth of Our Nation & Its Heroes, Military Appreciation Month 2022: Saluting Those Who Serve, Veterans Day 2022: Celebrating Those Whove Served. Connors eyes went from one to the other, and then he asked in a puzzled voice, You used to be a bear?. Another landing like that and I'll have enough parts for another one.". Tell these quips to a friend in the service to give them a good chuckle. When the sailor finishes up, he heads to the sink to wash his hands. What would As A.J. I wouldnt set foot on any ship that intentionally sinks.. Later, I spoke with Mom. I've told you that I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. One day, at an event honoring veterans, a young man asked where they had been stationed. !An angry voice finally replied, My name aint George!. I was awakened late one night by a phone call from nearby Fort Meade, in Maryland. When the the Marine came back the Soldier nodded and thanked him for the drink, very pleased he pulled one over on the Marine. An Army ranger, Air Force P.J., Navy seal, and a Recon Marine. The real definition of USCG is Uncle Sams Confused Group.. When I enlisted in my teens, I took up smoking cigars to make myself look more mature. 36. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool. The soldier immediately sat down and began digging through his rucksack. Sometime later, when the examination was Coffee tastes better if the latrines are dug downstream from an encampment. Military Jokes and Humor stories have always amused and entertained. Ocean Pearl, I answered. Why doesnt the Army team have ice on the sidelines during football games? During orientation at Fort Sill, in Oklahoma, our first sergeant stated that if anyone lost his locker key to see him, as he kept a master key in his office. We made a private sweep all the sunshine off the sidewalks. Attention! My friend kept asking what my military rank was, but I kept telling him its Private. Reluctantly, he showed it to me. It works just like every other seat belt and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised, 26. I could have as many babies as I want because giving birth is free. (Sign over the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base Kadena, Japan). Killed bin Laden. Oh, youre a troop who survived pepper spray AND mustard gas? The only time you have too much fuel is when youre on fire. I have been telling the same joke for a lot of years, but today I will change it up. Ocean Pearl, I answered. During that first roll call in the Army, I waited in dread as the sergeant got to my name: DiFeliciantonio. We have one or two in here! When I was a Navy student pilot, I visited the home of a classmate. The other replied, Not me! Dedicated To All Who Flew Behind Round Engines. 6, 2 to cheer, 2 to fire the weapon and 2 to take pictures! You might be in the Coast Guard if you abbreviate words so much that you forget how to spell them out. I was awakened late one night by a phone call from nearby Fort Meade, in Maryland. You know you cant outrun a bear, right?, The soldier said, The way I see it, I just have to outrun you.. A: The jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down. I waited for whoever it was to prove he was an American and reply with the countersign, Marshall. Instead, silence.George! When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. A Flight Attendant's comment after a less than perfect landing; We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal, 17. I met his wife and baby and was impressed that he had all his flight gear neatly laid out on a table. The optimist invests the aeroplane and the pessimist invents the parachute. with someone braver than you.'. The U.S. Navy uses the stars to navigate. We are directly under the moon.. The MPs read the letter, saluted, and left. He had the same plane as yours. The pilot did all kinds of fancy manoeuvres, but not a word was heard. The Pentagon announced that its fight against ISIS will be called Operation Inherent Resolve. "Throw out more!" shouts the pilot. He nodded. Thanks. Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. These involve the army, the navy, the air force, and other security forces.. 41. We were a tough group. A military sergeant lieutenant saying Based on my experience Minimum Connecting Time Time it takes an Olympic Gold Medal sprinter to run between two gates, 61. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance", To this, Warren replied, "Joy that helicopter is fifty quid, and fifty quid is fifty quid", The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks I'll make you a deal. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. 9. Hotel/Car Rental Shuttle Bus Vehicle subject to paranormal effects. The owner of this website does not guarantee offers on this site, and all offers should be viewed as recommendations only. WARNING: Tons of dad jokes lie ahead. The sailor calls out and says, In boot camp, they taught us to wash our hands after taking a leak. The Marine replies, In our boot camp, they teach us not to piss on our hands.. 50. S | No 2 propeller seepage normal - No 1, No 3, and No 4 propellers lack normal seepage. I never knew you had such a weak stomach, I said. Full Disclosure Here. Since this can be an extremely stressful job for the pilots and a boring ordeal for all you lovely passengers, we have carefully compiled this list of funny one-liners about pilots to keep your spirits up. Unfortunately, the sun was shining Students are great about sending our troops letters, and the troops love em. "He who is first will soon be last, and now I know what he means," King said, referencing a lyric from Bob Dylan as he reflected on what the race . An airplane! It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, The program was halted when, after years of research and millions of dollars spent, the spy cat was run over by a cab. Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike? Even those who work in relation to the military, such as the Department of Defense, or know someone that has served, are bound to find a few of these hilarious. Collecting our many suitcases, the ten of us entered the cramped customs area. Son, you are going to have to make up your mind about growing up and becoming a pilot. The ships operations officer entered the messdeck, his eyes bleary and at half-mast. If it doesnt move, pick it up. Two PFCs are walking down the street and one of them says, Oh look, a dead bird. The other PFC looks at the sky and says, Where? These jokes are perfect for anyone in the military to laugh at. I served in Korea, said Uncle Jerry. Airman: The worst was when the air conditioner in our tent broke and it was 110 outside! The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. 65. Reply: No, I say again. 18. "Flight 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees", "But Centre, we are at 35,000 feet. Why does the military have a strict dress code for ceremonies and events? (Hang up. Then one day I couldnt find it. (Hang up. 54. 49. Joke #1 Ask the Army to secure a building and they will set up a perimeter around it and make sure nobody gets out. Its a NO FLY zone! Me: No, I dont. When I told him I had no clue how to make soup, he handed me a cookbook and instructed, Follow the directions carefully. After a few basic questions, I very gingerly asked, Did you ever kill anyone? They came up with that name using Operation Random Thesaurus. You do know that he could get ill from the bacteria on the toilet. Both have been racing sled dogs for decades. 42. These one-liner jokes about the Coast Guard life are bound to make any Coastie crack up. As the general inspected our troops, he asked some of the Marines which outfit they were serving with. Dario Leone is an aviation, defense and military writer. I served in Japan, said Uncle Sid. The modern age of military aviation is often considered to begin around the conclusion of the Vietnam war. While in Kuwait, shortly before we deployed to Iraq, a major general told our meeting that we should expect to cross into Iraq in less than 24 hours. He then My gunnery sergeant and I were inspecting a Marine training exercise when we spotted a second lieutenant ambling about. 45. Even better, have them explain the joke to you after and have a good laugh yourself. Proceed at your own risk. During World War II, my father often found himself stuck with KP duty. The other Sergeants noticed that he looked more relaxed than ever. He did his daredevil tricks over, and over again, but still not a word. I got one here related to the tranparency of Soviet news.. ----- *News report from Soviet press agency* A friendly communist agricultural tractor was intercepted by enemy group of seven Chinese battle tanks, while performing its everyday works on wheat fields along Soviet-Chinese border. I was the tallest guy in line. Civilian casual tees are absolutely unacceptable. A pilot is a confused soul who talks about women when he is flying, and about flying when he is with a woman. You might be in the Coast Guard if you claim to have every woman in the port, yet youre at an ashore unit. Thank you, sir. the Soldier responds. Our puns and jokes are here for the soldiers as well as everyone else to enjoy. In college, my freshman-year roommate was in ROTC and came from a long line of military men. Then one day I couldnt find it. Share yours with us on our socials Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook and check out military jokes from other Vets, troops, and military support personnel! How different military branches use the stars: The U.S. Army sleeps beneath the stars. The military refers to a collection of all the armed forces of a particular country.. The instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with me, and then just raised a single eyebrow. Marines Say OOOOORAH! Theres a post recall and he went to work. "They're all mine. Why did the Soldier bring a blanket to an active battle zone? But something struck me as odd. Did you hear about the big accident on base? The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. They are the ones protecting us at all times from external threats. P | Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. Sometime later, when the examination was over, he was helped out of the machine by a far older woman. Later, I spoke with Mom. She approached one of the women for an explanation: What enabled women here to achieve this marvelous reversal of roles? Land mines, replied the Kuwaiti woman. Our pilots FLY much better than they DRIVE so please remain seated until the captain finishes taxiing and brings the aircraft to a complete stop at the terminal, 13. P | Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. I asked an employee whether they still carried my deodorant. Read more. Six Triple Eight Film by Tyler Perry Is Coming to Netflix, Havana Syndrome Still a Mystery, but Foreign Involvement Unlikely, After a Storied Career, Paris Davis Is Finally Receiving His Medal of Honor, Here are 200 Remote Jobs for Veterans in 2023. In his free time, he enjoys hunting, hiking, running, shooting guns, and reviewing gear. 5. The military has a long, proud tradition of pranking recruits. 2010 The Thought & Expression Company, LLC. Two thousand dollars a week, he replied. Soon after arriving at basic training, we were marched to the base barbershop, where we were told wed find a clipboard with our names on it. But my fears were put to rest one day while getting into formation, which was determined by height. It took the poor guy all day. What do you call a deer thats enlisted in the Air Force? Germany, like other NATO members, is protected by . During basic training at Fort Leavenworth, our sergeant asked if anyone had artistic abilities. Are you sure you followed the recipe?. 12. Everyone seemed OK with this order except for one confused recruit. What do you call a group of kids who enlists in the military? A military pilot requested a priority landing, because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked". When the Marine finishes up, he starts to head for the door. Collective Military Hardships One day an airman, an Army soldier, and a Marine were talking about the hardships they faced during their last deployment. Now, he said, when I say left, its the one that hurts.. Problems reported by Pilots and Solutions noted by Aircraft Engineers in aircraft Technical Logs. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have, 16.